Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
