we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
