too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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