A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
