My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
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