I'm lost and stupid without you.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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