I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
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