so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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