No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
We need to rekindle our bromance
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
