new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
