Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
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