You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
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