i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
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To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
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He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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