You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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