Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
