i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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