My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
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I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
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I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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