the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
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