I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Pappa wants mamma naked
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
