We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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