Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Randomize
