I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
