The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
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