On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Randomize
