final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
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i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
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Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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