I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Randomize
