i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
