I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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