i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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