I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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