dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
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