I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
