you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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