with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
