i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
why is half of my head shaved?
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
