You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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