I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
