If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
