My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize