you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
is it fun? or sober?
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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