She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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