We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Randomize
