Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
