RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
