He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
