I need help removing her.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Randomize
