I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
