Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
