you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
