You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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