The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
third nipple confirmed
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Randomize
