I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
