is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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