i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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