Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
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