Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
