people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
