Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
