Acid is not a monday night drug
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
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