I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
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