Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
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