I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
