foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
