The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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