Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
