Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Randomize
