Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
