last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize