I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
i just made my gag reflex go away.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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