Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
