i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
