Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
