He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
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