After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
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