I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
