I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
