Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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