You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
