He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
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