Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
