if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
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